Diversity Dinner
FOOD FOR THOUGHT OR IS IT FOOD FOR ACTION?
Why not pop over for a meal?
Why not indeed? When the invite comes from friends the response is usually "Love to! When, where and tell me what time?" An invitation to share a meal with your mates is something to be savoured. Fun, food and connection with the people you care about and who care about you; what’s not to like?
No need to impress or be someone you’re not, here amongst friends, idiosyncrasies are welcomed and shortcomings forgiven. A less than fashionable haircut? Well no one cares. Loud out of context laughter? Bring it on. That slight dribble of sauce on your jacket or that annoying clicking of finger joints? Hey it’s all uniquely you. Dinner with friends is a comfortable place of familiarity and acceptance. Whether by gentle lampooning or a generous hug, you know you belong.
Now drop the best crockery and burn the roast – let's imagine just for a moment, that you've been asked to cook not for friends but a whole bunch of strangers! People you don’t know and have no real connections and not just a few; let's try more than three hundred.
Personally, I wouldn’t know where to begin, indeed planning a meal for only a few is enough to send me running from the room. While delighted to embrace the joy of being entertained by others, reciprocating in kind is a deeply held fear. What if they don't like the food, what if they don’t like the conversation, what if, what if. So, when I received the following invite from the Christchurch Bangladeshi Parents' Group to attend a communal meal in Christchurch, I was somewhat taken back.
It’s my honour to invite you on behalf of Bangladeshi parents’ group, to join our dinner program to celebrate unity in diversity. From our Bangladeshi group, we have lost 5 members on 15th March 2019 Mosque shooting, and 3 members are living with injury. Besides, we lost our dear brothers and sisters in two Mosques, and many are alive with injuries. In reaction to the tragedy, our first responders, Govt, fellow citizens and local and world Muslims all took the path of peace, love, and compassion unitedly. We need to celebrate that unity in diversity to remind ourselves that our peaceful future to face challenges ahead requires maintaining unity at any cost.
I don't know what amazed me more: that a small immigrant community devastated by the brutality of a hate fueled terror attack should possess such deep reservoirs of generosity and kindness, or that a few dozen people could deliver a three-course meal to hundreds of guests with such seamless ease and grace.
Grace isn't a word in my everyday vocabulary but having checked for synonyms like compassionate, amiable, congenial, cordial, courteous and polite, I can think of nothing more appropriate to describe our hosts.
From the moment we drove through the gates of the school towards the hall where the function was being held, my partner and I were made to feel welcome, truly welcome and relaxed.
By the end of the evening, I felt as comfortable with these strangers as I do with most friends. But why? It’s a question that’s been nagging ever since the event. I've been to innumerable functions with strangers, all equally forgettable for their lack of connection. So, what made this meal with the Bangladeshi community feel so distinctly different from others?
It wasn’t until quite recently I’ve been able to give it a name: gratitude.
The Bangladeshi Parents who had invited us to dinner, who were presenting this gift of food and friendship, were doing so with an attitude of deep deep gratitude. These strangers were not only giving me something special they were thanking me for accepting that gift. This was joyous giving.
Everyone I met that night seemed part of a powerful and unifying theme that we were honoured guests. No gilt filigree invitation or artfully composed words could ever express the sense of welcome that bestows, an extended hand of friendship and an authentic foundation on which to build trust. You felt it, from ushers, to waiters, parking attendants to hosts, in every smile and gesture there were expressions of gratitude and perhaps even joy that you had chosen to be part of their evening.
We had no shared cultural references, no banter or small talk in common and yet none of that mattered in the slightest. We connected the old-fashioned way, with the age-old rituals of greeting, hospitality and mutual respect.
That night has given me much to consider.
When was the last time I invited a stranger to dinner – never? I have never invited an absolute stranger to dinner. Perhaps we become so comfortable with the familiarity of family and friends, the people we know, that choosing anything different seems an unnecessary risk. Or is it straight out laziness coupled with a lack of imagination?
I have a friend who ends all his emails with a quote from Rabindranath Tagore "I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."
When I speak about my experiences at the Bangladeshi Parents’ event, this was the kind of joy I think I’m describing. The joy found in giving to others, in affirming a real connection – even with strangers – while never losing a sense of yourself. An acknowledgement that the only thing that truly separates us is our willingness to connect.
Many notable people spoke that evening about the importance of finding common ground and of making a stand against prejudice and hate, they spoke of the need to celebrate diversity and welcome difference, to create a truly multicultural city. These were people with significant mana sharing important ideas. They were wonderful speeches and yet it was the lived example shown in the smiles of the people who welcomed us, who served our food and cleared our plates, that had such a lasting impression for me.
On this website, the Christchurch Invitation suggests some basic principles; among them spreading peace, reconnecting and feeding others. Before my invitation from the Bangladeshi Parents’ Group, I lacked any practical understanding of just how powerful those words really are.
The reason is simple: words without action, lack substance and meaning. Add action. Add a gratitude you never expected, and you get to experience honour and kindness – and yes, grace – that can take you into a surprising space, a space where sharing kindness is no longer a chore but a privilege and a joy.
- John Sellwood, reflecting on the Unity and Diversity Dinner held on 4 April 2021




